hammerhead's Blog

beuh ujian bntar lg bqn pusing zz..

i feel so lost.

where are u babe???

i always waiting for you..

umph..

gg tao nppa hre2 nuii bete+nyblin bngd.

pna ce stu2 ny ngmbk gto..

piewh……

I want to run away
Inside my bright red scream
I want to break the doors
Holding back my dream

Living like this
Checking the skies for rain
A constant reminder
Of this burden and pain

I’m holding on to
A shooting star
Its points cutting my skin
This time it’s gone too far

Nothing left to wish on
My bloody star fell
Left me drowning in hopes
Inside my wishing well

Not looking for a hero
To owe such a debt
I could not ask for saving
This loss is not a regret

I want to run away
But there’s nothing out there
I want to shatter windows
That look out on nowhere

This is not life
If I’m already dead
My bleeding heart stopped beating
And tears I no longer shed.

did you know?…

did you know that I secretly cry and tear myself to shreds every night?

did you know that behind my seemingly warm happy eyes lies a broken innocent, ravaged by many sinful hands?

did you know that I loathe you for disposing and abandoning me in this forsaken hell?

did you know that I bleed for you, that I dwell in this eternal pain for you, that you bind me to this duty?

did you know that you intertwined you and I and left me to take care of our withering souls?

did you know that for every smile I forcefully press against my face a slit is placed upon my delicate skin?

did you know that everyday you kill apart of who I am, that every time you scream at my wrenching, contorting face I grow number?

do you even know that I exist anymore?

do you know that for every word you say it pierces my heart and I grow closer to my death?

do you even care that you have started my reckoning?

did you even know or acknowledge when I crept upstairs and locked my door, when I slowly consumed the various jagged white little pills, then I pierced my wrist with the oh so familiar razor?

did you know that I did that to escape you because it was the only absolute solution?

do you realize that even as I lay in the plain plush cushions on my final bed with an expressionless face, I still hold nothing but contempt for you?

do you finally understand the cursed life you burdened on my fragile shoulders? I don’t think you do, you will never understand…will you?

At night I sit alone and watch the shadows dance around.
I hold my breath and listen yet silence is the only sound.
I reach for some comfort yet feel no embrace.
I am tired of the emptiness and loneliness of this place.
I can feel no more hurt because I have learned to live with my pain.
I often wonder how I survived and continue to stay sane.
I have hurt so deeply and cried too many tears.
I have been empty and broken for so many years.
I am tired of pretending that I am fine and all is okay.
I am tired of hiding behind this mask I wear every day.
I have drifted so far and can no longer be saved.
These feelings hold me captive and to them I am enslaved.

dilaa…

jan marah  att..